Oneshot - New Look
by alinova
Summary: Four months in the asylum and some freaky new experimental meds leave The Joker looking very much not like himself. As requested by Maddy.


**Note: This was requested by a fellow lover of Jared Leto - a friend of mine called Maddy. We were talking about something to do with... Jared's hair? Possibly? Most likely. ANYWAY - here it is, Mads. Your amazing idea has been brought to life through my fingertips. Enjoy.**

Today was the _DAY._

Harley _knew_ it was the day because she'd been counting down to it month by month, week by week, day by day, _second by second_ \- scrawling all over the wall in crayon. Today was the _D-Day._ The day the _war_ came to an end. Today was the day they were bustin' Mistah J outta jail.

 _Oh, he was gonna be so proud!_

Harley sighed dreamily, hands clasped by her left cheek, swaying side to side in her position on the floor. Of course, Puddin' wouldn't be _too_ pleased with her... artistic attack on the... walls...

But... _paint_ , right?

Besides, Mistah J would be far too occupied with being all _proud_ of her for her... what was that _word?_ Freakin' _Harleen_ would know.

 _Ingenuity_ , that unhelpful voice trapped inside her head informed her, all... _obnoxious_ like.

"I _know,_ Harleen! You think I ain't never read a _dictionary?"_

 _You've never even glanced at one. Not since you became what **he** wanted and locked me away. You don't know **reason**._

"Get over yourself, hon. I'm better _off_ than you are! I got a boyfriend, a _career..."_

 _I **had** both of those and more and then **he** came along and it all disappeared over night!_

"Yeesh, sweetie. You need to let _go_. Some _therapist_ , huh? Can't even follow ya own advice! Pssh!"

 _Urgh, you're only undermining yourself when you say things like that to me._

"Lalalala~! Can't _hear_ you!"

Harley took her fingers out of her ears when the door was opened and Frost peered round it. Boy, was he _used_ to this shit. You could _tell_ on the poor bastard's face! Bless him. He was a good kid.

"Everything alright, Miss Quinn?"

" _Everything_ will be just _dandy_ when we get Mistah J back."

"Well, we're ready."

"You're a champ, Jonny. A _champ!"_

And so they left on their great, heroic mission. The aim was downright _noble_ , in Harley's opinion, and the choice of transportation wasn't too shabby neither. It was another custom vehicle (Puddin' sure loved himself a couple'a things made _just_ for him) - a remodeled ice cream van. The tinkly little tune that played as they drove had been _fixed_ to have multiple settings, all capable of various levels of distortion and _static_. The effect was pretty damn spectacular. The freezer... bits for where they usually put the ice cream was filled to the _brim_ with guns and weapons of all varieties and sizes and shapes and colours-

Gee, it was _beautiful._

Harley's favourite feature was one Joker had installed at _her_ request. The great big ice cream cone at the top was now a _rocket launcher_. Ain't that just the _height_ of romance?! It was. It really _was_. Oh, how she missed her J...

 _Oh, well. Not long now, kid. Hang in there._

Who's voice had _that_ been?

Harley wrinkled her nose in confusion and twirled her hair around her finger. A voice was a voice, y'know? You don't question that shit. You _own_ it. Just like bruises - which you wear like cute little badges of honour. Anyway, the _point_ was that the big ice cream cone on top was a _ROCKET LAUNCHER_! Harley stuck her head out of the window as they drove, hair whipping in a flurry of blonde, vibrant pink and aggressive blue in the wind. The journey wasn't all that long and within _two flaps of a butterflies wing they were there_.

Oh, and the pah-lan was executed _gloriously!_

But Joker-

 _Her Joker was different. Something was-_

His _hair was all-_

IT WAS _LONG_. HE LOOKED LIKE THAT DISNEY PRINCESS-

Uh... Rapsansella? Carbunkle? Farflunzel?

RAPUNZEL. Mistah J looked like Rapunzel! Harley blinked in stunned, uncomprehending disbelief at her one and only. 'Kay, so maybe the _Rapunzel_ comparison was an exaggeration, but _really,_ his hair was all... not like itself. It had grown a _crazy_ amount during his stay at Arkham. Now, Harley was no hairdresser and she was no hair... _expert_ but even she knew that for his hair to grow so _much_ in the space of four months. It had _killed_ Harley to be away from her honka honka for so long, even though he'd _wanted_ to be there to get the next stage of his grand _plan_ sorted, but...

A girl has needs, y'know? A girl only has so much patience.

Joker did _not_ seem pleased with his appearance. Denied of his signature makeup and his hair all grown out like this with no green dye available... he looked kinda like a mashup of a punk hippie and a zombie serial killer. Apparently the new, experimental _meds_ they'd made him take at the asylum had caused his hair to grow at an extremely heightened rate, _as a side effect_.

It was hot.

Harley could dig it.

J did not. He made it very apparent and was a complete _drama queen_ about it and wouldn't allow anyone but _Harley_ to look at him directly. This made Harley very, _very_ smug.

In an effort to cheer him up before they left, Harley shot the big ice cream rocket launcher at the asylum. It elicited a laugh but no impressive change in mood. It got even worse when they got back to the apartment and he saw himself in the mirror. So they dyed it _bright, TOXIC GREEN_ and Harley even tried to tidy it up and get it out of his face a little with loads of intricate little braids. Braids worked. Braids could look _funny_ on a man like The Joker and if he looked like he was _meant_ to look silly, then he could _master it_. After all, he was expected at the club that night. He needed to _feel_ like the circus master he would pretended to be.

"Awh, _puddin'_ ~" Harley cooed, adding tinier little braids at his stubborn insistence, "you got yourself an excuse to just _shoot_ guys for lookin' at ya funny!"

Of course, J did this all the time, but neither of them ever acknowledged it and Harley was glad for the fact as it meant she could point out little elements to the gag he would enjoy and find a reason to be _Joker_ for. Abruptly, Joker jerked his head upwards, cracking his neck and straining his jaw. He did that a _lot_. Harley's theory was that he'd spent such a long time in straight jackets that he could never really see clothes as anything but _confining_ , and so he was stuck _having to wear them_ but also constantly wanting to be _free_.

Poor tortured soul. The system really _abuses_ him.

[ later at the club...]

"Is something, uh, _distracting_ you, gentlemen?" Joker queried - it came across as vaguely threatening only because the strange _glee_ in his eyes contradicted the mood. The three men sat opposite him in the booth fidgeted about uncomfortably, trying to simultaneously avoid looking at the King's hair and _avoid_ watching Harley Quinn dance. Joker cocked his head to that odd, awkward, almost definitely painful angle as he regarded them, gaze scouring over each of them like a vulture searching for chaos, "You know, you oughta look a fella in the _eye_ when you talk to him..."

"Of course, J. Of course."

"Hey, Jimmy, don't look at me like _that_... Harley's jealousy is a _MONSTROUS_ thing," he grinned that savage, award winning snarl, and the men _knew_ they were fucked. There was no winning. He wasn't gonna let them go. He was in the mood to play _games_.

Client after client, Joker toyed and manipulated and tortured. He'd alternate between demanding compliments, throwing a fit if anyone so much as glanced in the direction of his hair, and _breaking fingers_ for not going along with his jokes. Anyone who tried to make an escape before Joker had exhausted all potential for his jokes were taken straight to The Funhouse to be dealt with later.

"I love this guy. Look at him. Just look at that _face_. I love his... _style_. He's got that _oomph factor_ , hasn't he? Tell me, Derek, you notice anything _different about me_? _No, not new SHOES-"_

Derek received a bullet to the head for insinuating that Joker's new hairdo did not suit him.

Silly Derek.


End file.
